Monday, November 21, 2011

It's Good to Have Goals

Alpha knows when I "check out." Lights on or off. When I think it's not obvious. Even to myself.

He was fucking me and He stopped. Running His fingers gently through my hair and caressing my face, He asked me "where you at little one?" And it took me a minute to respond, because sometimes I'm not even sure myself.

"I'm sorry that I'm not a multi-orgasmic whore constantly begging to fuck your brains out Master." Because that's what He had before me. And even though He chose me? I sometimes think about what she had that I do not. I don't think about the reasons He chose me instead--that He wanted someone capable of thinking for themselves, with a strong will to bend, with a mind that He finds beautiful. A woman who could stand at His side and weather the storms without falling apart.
Na, I don't think about those things because sometimes I am ruled by my insecurities. Sacrilege right? Because I'm supposed to be ruled by Alpha. But insecurities are a bit like hormones--they lay in wait to ambush you when least expected.

His response to my apology was typically simplistic as He began moving slowly, He said, "It's good to have goals."

And it made me smile. Because while I may struggle with self acceptance? He accepts me as I am. Everything. And the parts He doesn't like so much? He helps me change them. And even if it takes years to do so, He still takes me as I am along the way.

The truth is, I doubt anyone really becomes that which they compare themselves to. Because each individual is unique. It's good to be happy with who you are. And I am.

But it's good to have goals too.


  1. Each individual is unique......... So true. We all have things about us that not every person can see, and there is nothing to gain from comparing (hard though it is not to do) because those that see what others can't or have not?........ Well, to me, these people are also unique, especially to ourselves and there are only a handful if lucky that we find, that can see into us, mind, body and soul.
    Your posts always make me think lil and make it sound as if I know what I'm talking about lol :)

    Dee x

  2. I don't compare myself to others, but I do get insecure about things. I think it's called being female, my insecurities sit firmly in the passenger seat while the hormones drive. And then it's off to crazy lane for me.

  3. What a fantastic moment... this makes me smile too.

  4. I love it when they can derail you painlessly.
    Absolutely the best!

  5. Aren't they wonderful the male species :-)

  6. Dee, lol. You do sounds like you know what you're talking about. Though I doubt it's the posts that do it.

    faerie, Insecurities and hormones! Aren't they a winning comination lol.

    Conina, I'm all aout cataloguing the fantastic moments.

    Jz, me too and it really is the best. Especially when you have a habit of doing everything the hard way...Ahem.

    tiffany, most of the time...


Play nice.