Truthfully, I do believe He will always have love for me. No matter what. That doesn't mean that He wouldn't ever leave me no matter what, or that He will tolerate anything from me. It simply means that sometimes love doesn't die regardless of circumstances.
He could respect me less, see me differently, feel differently, etc.
And I know it's time for me to let go of all those little things I get hung up and use to avoid letting go. This is one of those things.
Because when you tread in unknown waters there's a calculated risk. Choices made that can effect the way couples view each other. Things can be greatly impacted in a moments action or inaction.
Things like respect and the way we feel about another person.
But when it boils right down to it? That's just an excuse.
Because Alpha contemplates the waters for a long time before
And lets be honest here, He has a better track record than I do.
Eventually it becomes time just to let it be. Let it go. Let it live. And let it grow.
Another thing I'm working on is letting go of preconceived notions (you can only polish your humor for so long before the real issues bleed through ya know). I used to have lots of them. Mostly about how Alpha should be as a Dominant. Funny huh, because that can be quite contradictory to submission. Yes, I have certain beliefs about what makes a good Dominant (anyone who says they don't is either lying or none to bright). Though now, for the most part, my notions revolve around what makes a good submissive. Well, what makes me a good sub for Him. And I guess at some point, one of those things became letting go of the notion of judging His Dominance. Because Dominance is not about adjusting your wants and needs to the expectations of a submissive (please note that I said "expectations" lol).
I mean after all, I can judge myself plenty for both of us lol. Which rolls into something else I have been thinking about--that little issue of self-acceptance. And I rather think it's time to let that go too. Because a great deal of my striving to achieve and judgement of self revolves around pleasing Alpha. Being someone He loves, respects, and is proud of. So why negate His judgement by refusing to accept myself as a whole?
Because eventually it's time just to let it be. Let it go. Let it live. And let it grow.