So there's this feeling I have been thinking about a lot lately.
It has to do with the sensations of safety...The feeling I have in any given situation I am in depending on Alpha's presence.
I give Him more of myself than I ever thought I could give anyone. And He gives me more than I ever imagined I could receive from another human being...
One of the things He gives me is the sensation of safety. Not just in the lineal form of being physically protected...But also an overall sensation that everything is going to be okay. No matter what.
It's not that I am incapable of protecting myself, far from it. But it's stressful sometimes ya know...
We have been together for almost half of my lifetime. And because I'm so used to it, sometimes I forget that He even gives me this feeling...Until He's not here.
Though there are other times I just lie there at night and revel in that feeling--the sensation of being protected. And I call it a sensation because words sound so flat and I cannot seem to find any that will express it properly.
I curl up to Him and soak up the feeling that everything is right with the world. And no matter how much the dogs bark, or little things go bump in the night, it's okay because He is with me.
Our dynamic has increased this feeling tremendously. One of the things that led to my realization/admission of these feeling was accepting a certain theme in my fantasies (Okay, I know Alpha's going to say that He pointed this out a long time ago but, well you know, tactile learner here lol).
Rescue me. Of course.
Over and over and over again.
Ironically, when this translates to real life it usually means rescuing me from myself. Which is rather ridiculous...But I'm not ready to be quite that introspective here. So, moving on.
There's something about having the person who is your protection from the world be the one that inflicts pain on you, controls you, does what they wish with you.
The one who protects from all other evils is the one who inflicts His evils of choice. And for some reason that is really hot and erotic to me. In a rather twisted way perhaps, but there is something unique and intimate and intense about it.
It makes me feel even more safe--He can humiliate me, and hurt me, and take me to the edge of sanity.
But He will not allow others to do so.
And that is a feeling I cannot seem to find quite the right words for.