Monday, November 14, 2011

My Place in Our Space

Forty swats with the riding crop and I was done. Melted. Placed squarely my place. Begging to know how to be where I belong and how I had gotten so far away from it in the first place.

Alpha's firm voice floating in my ears. Informing me that the answers I seek are simple. That the solution is a basic concept. "All you have to do is accept who and what you are."

He had offered to stop at twenty-two. And that insane woman who resides in my head chose to whisper "I can take more Master." We both knew that I needed to go beyond where I thought I could. So He picked the riding crop up again. As He brought it down across my ass, He said, "you need this don't you. It's not just a want. You need submission with all your being. This is who you are." Smack! "Yes Master."

And it is a need. Some deep part of my being that cannot be denied. Much like the Dominance in Him, it comes from the core of my being. Undeniable, unavoidable, no longer a want, but an acknowledged need. A huge part of me and who I am. Submission is in my bones, it flows through my veins.

He later told me "you think the simplest things are most complicated and the most complicated the simplest" (??). He wasn't interested in providing an explanation for the statement. Because, as He said, "I think you should spend some time thinking about it."

We moved to the couch and He asked me why I am so afraid of accepting who and what I am.

The truth is, I am afraid of who I am and what I will become when I let go. What I will be if I accept it. And that maybe He won't love me so much.
He knows it too. Gently tilting my face up towards His He said quietly, "it's okay to accept who and what you are little one. You can want anything. Because you are mine--and I will decide whether or not you get it."


  1. Yes, I too need submission with all my being. I have completely accepted this need, just have not been free to give it. You are very lucky to have Alpha.

  2. Moments like that are why we need a dom. Pushing our limits for ourself is not as forfilling as pushing them for someone we love.

    Thank you for sharing.

  3. "it's okay to accept who and what you are little one. You can want anything. Because you are mine--and I will decide whether or not you get it."

    Wow, that's profound! That will help me when Daddy doesn't always give me what I want. He is in control and it is my job to accept that control with joy and not begrudgingly.


    P.S. I love how Alpha is very wise!

  4. He does know what you need! I know why you would fear letting go completely because that can be so scary.... but I don't understand why you are afraid he won't love you... you have to know he will!! :o) xxxx

  5. And They always know what to give us, what we need, don't they? Because there is always a disconnect between the want and the need...i almost never get what i want, but i always get what i need. Which was what i really wanted, i guess. Aargh. Enough blather from me...back to my cupboard! :p

  6. i keep coming back to try to put my reaction to this into words. It's a bad bad day for me to comment on something like this. I'm completely overcome by zeduwfur today. ( You've written beautifully here - it's what i often feel - but not always... And in the not always part i wonder if it is a lack, will never happen, or is just real life circumstances...

  7. maui girl, I am and I try to keep it in mind.

    ann, very true.

    ktty, glad you found something helpful.

    Mikki, I'm thinking that "love" was perhaps not quite the right word...

    pepper, I may need to finish my coffee before I can really comprehend this comment but I think it makes perfect sense. See? More coffee is needed.

    gg, I don't always feel like this either. In fact, this was the first time in weeks and missing it was making me a bit nuts.
    So zeduwfur is the ever elusive sum it all up word huh. Works for me!

  8. Submission to the perfect fit is like an addiction I think. It is also sometimes really nice to have somone that will take the burden of the decision making.

  9. viemora, it is very much an addiction.


Play nice.