Monday, February 28, 2011


There's a fine line between hurt and damage. Be it mental, emotional, or physical. A bit of hurt is alright, it reminds us that we are alive. Damage takes you to places that are scarring and difficult to recover from.

Recently, one of my favorite blogs (whatiwonder over there >>> ), did a post about humiliation. Which got me to thinking about the subject a bit more in depth. The teasing and mocking are pretty much a part of daily life at this point (have I mentioned how much I absolutely hate being mocked? It really brings out my most disagreeable and predatory tendencies). Anyways, Alpha seems to view some of my insecurities as free game--my jealous tendencies, certain tones I use, my need to fit things into little boxes, etc. Other insecurities He, generally leaves alone, like how I view my body or family issues. But that isn't the stuff that comes to mind when I think about humiliation. It's one of those tricky arena's where there's a fine line between pushing the limits and all out damaging the person being humiliated. It strips away pride leaving you pliant and vulnerable. Exposed in more ways than the physical. It fucks with your head and takes you places you would normally never dare to tread. I think it's one of those areas of exploration where it's really easy to actually cause mental damage if it's done carelessly.

Since damage is on my mind today (see how gracefully I transition ages--totally stable and upbeat as my birthday approaches), physical harm is the most obvious and easily avoided. I'll pick being choked as my example because it's one of my all-time favorite experiences.
Personally, I think hands are the best way to go. For one, I just enjoy the sensation of His hand wrapped around my throat, for two, I think it's easier for Him to gauge when to let go. Obviously, it's not good for your brain to be deprived of blood and/or oxygen and that's a big part of the high that comes with being choked--your brain is not getting the things it needs to continue functioning. That's why actually being choked out on a regular basis is quite unhealthy, you're killing off brain cells. Of course, that's a huge part of the appeal too--someone literally has your life in their hands. It's an easy way to do serious physical damage if you aren't careful.

There's many paths to damage whether you live vanilla or...not.
Sometimes I wonder, what are the drawbacks to being Dominant? Because I can think of some downsides to being submissive like fucking when you want to sleep, doing things you genuinely don't want to, not getting the final say, etc. If I, as a submissive, had to say what I think is the most difficult thing about being Dominant, I would choose avoiding truly damaging one's sub. Because there's a fine line between playing on the edge and pushing your toys over the edge of no return.

Now, if you will excuse me, I'm going to go try not to damage my children while they attempt to avoid the responsibility of cleaning their room.


  1. Interesting..I think about this a lot. I like your insights as you imagine things from the Dominant's perspective. And lol sounds like your children are blessed with a wise mama..

  2. lil,
    Do you find that you trust him more - not in the physical things - but in the mind games/humiliation? I think there are plenty of mind games, insults, and hurtful words, if not more active humiliation, in many vanilla realtionships. What do you think the difference is with D/s that allows even greater intesity and breadth of these types of things - without the same kind of damage?

  3. K,
    well I have an overactive imagination lol.

    hmmm, trust Him more than before the humiliation, because of the humiliation, because of our D/s dynamic, or none of the above?
    As to the rest of the question, I think that deserves a post of its own. Otherwise I'll end up with my own comment being a page long lol. I'll get to it soon.

  4. Trust him more because of the D/s dynamic - in spite of the (I assume) even greater use of humiliation than prior to it? And - thanks.

  5. It's not about what happens during the's more about what goes on afterward..


  6. greengirl. Yes, I trust Him more now and humiliation wasn't a part of our dynamic before (teasing has always been lol).
    mouse, you make a very good and often overlooked point. I'll make sure to include that when I do a follow up post.



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