Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Regarding deletion: Letter to Alpha

 My love,
 We got to this place where I realized all my cards had to be face-up on Your table. I give You what is expected by both You and I--truth. Always. Now the drawback is that You carry so many of my burdens. That some burdens, my worst fears and nightmares about Your well-being--those should not be yours to carry. Some nightmares and moments in time are just fears to work through. Dark moments in time to be deleted and lost.

I know that here, in internet land, is where you expect the most transparency from me. And you have it. I know you view me writing and erasing before you read something to be breaking the rules. I didn't hide it. And I am prepared to accept the consequences of my actions as you see fit. I have mentioned deletion in posts, I left the nice comment asking about it. Because I'm not hiding things from you. Every account, every password, access to everything I write. Because my cards are all face up on your table.

I'm just saying that you comfort my fears enough. Sometimes I need a place to let them out. Read them and throw them at the words feet for a moments time. My way of working past my worst fears. Because some bad dreams are wicked little things.


  1. oh --

    PS -- I was crap at being married -- perhaps my advice was also crap.

  2. Thanks sfp. And na, your advice wasn't crap. Right on point in fact.

  3. We all need a place to throw our fears and other negative cognitions. I very much understand the need to deal with them personally without burdening others... but sometimes those Dom-ish ones want to share that burden with us. Maybe they're more masochistic than we give them credit for...?

    Still, as I said, everyone needs a place to dispose of things privately sometimes. I hope you are both well.

  4. Oh He must be part masochist--He married me lol.
    Thanks zelda.


Play nice.