Okay, I was going to wait until tomorrow to write this post because they never come out quite like I want when I toss them out before going to work. xantu (over on the right >>> ) made a comment about her Master saying she was okay and that kind of making it true. Which kind of ties in with some thoughts I've been having lately and I need to make some room in my head so that means getting these out lol. I think that's one of the reasons I love ttwd so much--my mind is always moving, thinking, full, going non fucking stop. And it brings me times where my head is silent. All those thoughts shut up, and I just...am.
I have been wondering why it is that when I'm not okay, and Alpha tells me I am...then it's true. Like being walked through pain, saying I can take it and it's alright. Like when He comes down to the gate as I'm leaving just to kiss me on the head and say everything is going to be okay. Or when He's fucking me and I'm swearing up and down I can't handle it and He tells me that I can handle anything He says I can...and I can. While His knowledge of where my thresholds are is definitely a contributing factor, it is not the only reason. So what are the reasons? Honestly, I'm still not sure. I should have ruminated on it longer lol. Maybe it's because I know that He's always there for me no matter what. Maybe it's because I trust Him to tell me the truth so if He says it, I know it's so. Or perhaps His belief in me enables me to believe in myself. Or my faith in Him gives His words the power they have?
His words have far more power over me than they did before D/s. From the simple "good girl," to the disapproving "what do you think you're doing?" His love and anger have so much more impact on me. It's actually rather ridiculous.
Ooh, what a revelation, lil does a post that turns into a series of unanswered questions. Big surprise there lol.