Alright, after digging through all my favorite nicknames and coming up with some new ones (options ranged from sadistic bastard to Satan's student which He seemed to think was offensive lol), i settled on the obvious choice for a Dominant who often prefers wolves to people--Alpha it is.
Alpha seems to feel that if I say "I'm not sure how I feel about that," it means the particular topic of my feeling should be explored further. He said it's because there's so many things I definitely know how i feel about lol. The particular topic of the moment was slapping. Specifically using His belt to do it. Now, it's true--i really don't know how i feel about that because it's pretty new territory and evokes some feelings and emotions I'm not used to at all. Specifically, real fear. Trepidation, slight fear, the desire to get away, etc. all familiar feelings in play. That rush very akin to almost being sideswiped by a semi--not so familiar. I haven't figured out why being slapped makes me feel that way. I mean, it does hurt, but not as bad as many of the other things He enjoys doing. Maybe because it's falls into the realm of when really bad things happen in a vanilla relationship.
I know this post is random as all Hell, but so am I lol. I had started using a lower case "I" when talking about myself when Alpha and I were spending a lot of time using a shared id. It made it easier for people to tell right off the bat that they were talking to me and I kind of slipped into the habit. Last night I realized that, while my grammar and punctuation are sadly lacking, there are certain rules to writing that I just can't tolerate breaking all the time lol. So, out goes the lower case "I".
The great news of the morning is that Alpha got someone to take this dog we have been trying to place for a year. He bribed them by knocking $100 off their debt if they took the dog. That's terrible! No one pays someone to take a dog, people pay to get dogs! Apparently not this dog...Poor dude, after living with him for a year I realized that if I had been smart, it would have taken a hell of a lot more than that to get me to take him. That's what happens when you are weak and don't want to see an animal spend it's life on a chain I guess.
So I deviated from my "only write for yourself" theory. Part of me said wtf...But then I discovered that I kind of liked it. It was thought provoking and I liked how the post came out. So maybe I'll tweak the theory a little bit and stick to the basic root idea--Just write how I truly feel no matter what the topic is or who is reading it. Lol, having people besides Alpha who actually read my random crap is a new concept for me.