Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Introspection and the obvious

The problem with introspection, is that you're bound to find things you don't really like about yourself. A non-conversation regarding Jessica Alba's ass (which I must admit is ridiculously nice), last night got me thinking about jealousy. Specifically, why I am such a jealous person. It's not a nice emotion to express or feel. So a little non-complimentary introspection led me to my answer. It is, of course, not pretty, but it's true--My jealousy revolves around my own self image. What makes me jealous of the women He see's in daily life and would fuck given the opportunity? I see in them things I lack. All physical traits which, after two children, I no longer have. In a nutshell--I am jealous of others because I have a poor image of myself. The ironic thing is, I have had women literally tell me they hate me for dropping the weight of two pregnancies as if it was never there. But when I look at my naked body in the mirror, the tracks are very obvious. I suppose the root of my jealousy had a simple answer, one right in front of my every time I look at myself. But sometimes the most obvious things are the hardest to grasp especially if the answer is one you don't really like.

Which leads me to--Not seeing the obvious. There's a post over at A Dominant Character (over on the right>>>) talking about "how He knows" in response to a post on Whatiwonder (also over on the left>>> Uh, I mean right. Give me some lazy leeway. Two links in one post before work is just to much lol).
It's the obvious and simple things I have the hardest time seeing and accepting. Like simple concepts--they fuck me up. I love algebraic equations, long division of polynomials, anything to do with the quadratic equation, you get the picture. Yet stuff like simple grade-school division? Alpha has to walk me through it and remind me how it's done every time. It's a rotten trait to have that is really only useful in college and not always applicable to reality. For life's every day crap and getting your kids past basic math, it's total shit. And I see it in my boys--the two year old can count to 14, is working on his ABC's, and talks like he's four. But he can't tell you a tree is "green."

The obvious is often illusive to me which is probably why I'm so damn intorspective. And the problem with introspection is that you don't always like what you find.

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