I'm great at filtering myself (well, in all honesty, I have been told that my brain to mouth filtering is total shit lol) But that's not what Alpha wants. He wants me raw, honest, unhampered by the bounds of what I think sounds right. He want's it straight from my mind without that careful crafting to make it sound acceptable. He wants that first thought (you know, the shit that after you say it, your thinking "oh crap"). This gets me into trouble sometimes because He's not always happy with what He hears. But, for me, that's one of the most incredible things about D/s--It's like being in a storm. The kind of storm where the rain is pouring down, lightning is striking, and the elements take over. And you're drenched to the core but it doesn't matter because there is nothing but the storm, flying on the electricity of it, floating in the rain as it washes your soul clean. It's primal and fierce. Like experiencing birth or death, it takes you to that place where everything superficial is washed away and only the basic elements of being exist.
That little tidbit is what I had in my brain for a post last night. Events of last night expanded my thoughts in a different direction. I'm getting used to being the one who shares fantasies that make me cringe (lol, I wanna know when things like being made to suck someone else's cock and Alpha pissing all over me in a room full of people became some of my Less twisted fantasies). Anyways, He was fucking me and He asked me if I knew why He always asks me questions me questions during. My hazy reply was no, but I have always wondered (really, it drives me up the fucking wall). His answer was because my body is like a lie detector--I can swear up and down that something doesn't turn me on but my body will betray me no matter what my mind thinks. Damn thing.
Alpha grabbed my head and looked me in the eye. Brushing the hair back from my face He said "no matter how I may surprise you, no matter how I may scare you, no matter how I may fuck up along the way; know that I love you and you will always be mine." I must say, for some reason, those words melted me...Then He proceeded to tell me things I would have never in a million years imagined could be floating around in His head. Lets just say, He took the concept of Dominance to whole new levels. And I should have left it at that, I mean it's not often He actually shares a fantasy or mindset that makes mine look like child's play. But it was actually a fantasy He Himself didn't understand. Also a rare gem from someone who's always so damned self-assured lol. So, I didn't leave it at that. I proceeded to admit to a whole new level of twisted. The response was something to the effect of me making Him look like a vanilla dabbler. And that maybe He's not more twisted than me after all.
For the record, I disagree.