Okay, so the title is literal, not figurative, though there's plenty of that to go around too lol. For years I kept a really clean house. Mopped the floors every day, organized the clutter, everything nice enough to eat off the counters. You get the picture. Then we had one kid. Then another. And it slipped a little. Not quite up to my standards, but reasonably clean. Then I started working. And holy shit it went downhill lol. That's not to say Alpha doesn't clean, He does, but it makes Him super pissy. Though recently He got on a kick and started cleaning out the corners so I have been cleaning all weekend. The last load of laundry is now in sight. I appreciate His motivation. The thing is, you know when you come home and your Dominant says He feels like a domestic servant, that your mind and body are probably going to pay dearly because, well, domestic servitude doesn't fit them well lol. Now that it's almost back up to par, I should be able to keep it nice with the time I have. Anyways, that wasn't the main idea for this post, I just got distracted lol.
I spent years bitching about dirty socks. Alpha would stumble in the door around 10:00 at night, shed His clothing all over the living room, eat, and pass out. For a while, I had a laundry basket in every room of the house. Predictably, since the baskets were so prevalent, His clothing would end up somewhere near one, but never actually in it. And it drove me nuts. Nowadays, I don't mind picking up His laundry. It's kind of funny, because it was a huge pet peeve of mine for so long. At this point it's more of a service thing--I would rather pick up his clothes than wash my bosses tidy whiteys (I wish I was joking here, but I'm losing my sense of humor. Maybe I need it beat back into me). I adore cleanliness and I miss having a hot meal ready when He walks in the door. Since I mumble my way in after nine, it's just not practical so He cooks a lot more.
Alpha said He's going to restart the business come springtime. Part of me is going "oh thank god, I hate my job, the bills aren't getting paid, and it means no more identity crisis for either of us." Then the little selfish part of me doesn't want things to go back to the way they were. I work 3-4 days a week. When Alpha works it's generally 7 fifteen hour days in a row with a day or two off to sleep and stare at the walls. And I missed Him so much over the years. Since He hasn't had that schedule, we have really evolved in the D/s aspect of our relationship just because He has more time and energy. He did promise He won't push it quite so hard now, as far as His schedule from hell goes. So I think that it's a good thing. He's used to being the provider and it fits Him well. Staying home with the kids all the time is rough, especially when you associate your identity with a well-paying and very physical job.
So there's my random, completely boring line of thoughts for today lol